Rev. Tessie Mandeville
September 23, 2007
Christ Covenant MCC
Decatur, GA 30030

Today marks the beginning of a six-week series on Building Relationships in Beloved Community.

Our relationships with one another matter. For the next six weeks we are going to look at values and spiritual principles that will help us build new relationships with one another and strengthen the ones we already have. We are building our future together and making decisions now about how we will relate to and treat one another is the foundation of everything that we will build together. When you build a home, building the foundation is one of the most important tasks. If the foundation is not properly laid, the entire structure will be unstable. We want to be sure that the foundation of our beloved community is strong and that it is guided by certain values and spiritual principles that we can all agree to.

Values are beliefs of a person or social group (i.e. church) in which we have an emotional investment. Spiritual principles are rules or standards, especially about behavior. These are meant to help us so that how we’re feeling on a particular day doesn’t change the eternal values that we have as the foundation of our relationships. When we are committed to and guided by values and spiritual principles we will act not only in our own best interest but also act in the best interest of the church.

Today I want to talk about the core value of courage. The definition of “courage” according to the dictionary says it’s “that quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face difficulty, danger or pain with firmness, and without fear.” You might ask in what ways I have seen courage in this congregation in the nine months I’ve been here:

• I have seen people show courage by joining our choir who’ve never sung in a choir before.
• I have seen people show courage by coming into Christ Covenant when they swore they would never step foot inside another church because of how badly they were treated in other churches.
• I have seen people show courage by facing their addictions with food, alcohol and other substances and begin going to meetings.
• I have seen people here who have life threatening illnesses face each day with courage, strength and a commitment to live life to its fullest.
• I have seen people show courage by marching in the LGBT Pride parade in Atlanta.

In fact, all of us who identify as LGBT people are courageous because we have had to examine ourselves deeply in order to come out and to live as proud lesbians, gay men, bisexual people and transgender people in a world that tells us we have to be straight or that our gender identity must conform to a certain standard. And all of you who identify as our straight allies are courageous people simply by casting your lot with us and for standing up with us. Oh, I’ve seen a lot of courage at Christ Covenant. This is why I believe we must agree together that it must continue to be a core value of our beloved community.

I must confess though that I disagree with Webster’s definition of courage. That definition says we face difficulty without fear. But think about it. If we weren’t afraid to try new things or to do something a new way or to take a risk, there would be no need for courage. Instead, I agree with Dr. Susan Jeffers that “courage isn't the absence of fear - courage is feeling the fear and doing it anyway!”

For instance, I felt some fear recently when I went to the Atlanta Braves baseball game and insisted on rooting for the San Francisco Giants while being surrounded by Georgia fans. I felt fear at our 15 th anniversary gala when people were bidding on this lovely pennant. (Tessie pulls out of her robe the SF pennant from the 15 th Anniversary Gala Silent Auction.) I was afraid Georgia fans were going to deface it! But I also want to set the record straight about something else. Well, I don’t suppose I can set it straight! Let the record reflect that even though Lisa and I are San Francisco Giants fans, when we packed up our belongings and drove across the country to move to Georgia, we put this pennant (Tessie pulls out of her robe the Atlanta Falcons’ pennant) in our back window for the entire cross-country trip so that everyone would know we were claiming the state of Georgia as our new home.

Sometimes you have to feel the fear and do it anyway. Peter, a beloved disciple of Jesus’ could teach us all about this. Peter and the other disciples were in their boat when a storm with strong winds came upon them. The scriptures tell us they were terrified. And instead of being comforted upon seeing Jesus, they became even more frightened, thinking they were seeing a ghost. Jesus told them it was him but you can tell they didn’t quite believe him. Peter needed some proof that it was Jesus so he said, “If it’s really you, Jesus, tell me to walk on water toward you.” And Jesus said, “Come on!” Don’t think for one minute that Peter wasn’t frightened out of his mind. Don’t think that he wasn’t battered by waves of doubt, uncertainty and distrust. But here’s the thing: Peter felt the fear and did it anyway. He stepped out into something new.

We need to have the courage to take risks and do things in a new way. To let go of the past, step out into something new. We all have pasts. Individuals have pasts; churches have pasts. There’s that saying, “Those who do not learn from their pasts are doomed to repeat it.” We all have ghosts and skeletons in our closet that seem to appear at the most inconvenient times. But building our future together requires us to be ready to move on, to learn from our pasts and to journey forward. We cannot remain static and say the seven dreaded words, “We’ve never done it this way before!” Growth and change are vital. “If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living.”

Beloved community, for all its good, is a mixed blessing for us at times. Being in community is enriching because when we are at our best, there’s nothing like it. Being in beloved community is also demanding. John S. Mogabgab says it this way, “Because we have been gathered into Christ through baptism, our personal spiritual growth is mysteriously intertwined with the lives of all the community of faith. That’s wonderful when we’re all playing well with one another…but when difficulties and conflicts arise, it doesn’t feel so wonderful.

One of my favorite sayings that you’ve heard me use before is this: Sharpe’s Law of Inevitable Conflict says that where two or three or gathered, there shall be a fuss.” The question is not, “What happens to us if we have a conflict?” The question is, “When we have conflict how are we going to handle ourselves?”

Human behavior is quite interesting because we get into our well-worn grooves, and patterns of behavior and responses, of how we deal with things. My friend, Penny Nixon says it this way: “We all have our little coping strategies that we’ve learned over the years that sometimes serve us well and other times don’t. There are the usual suspects: complaining, whining, griping, pity parties—and they’re fun ‘cause you get to invite others. We have many responses and default reactions. But what if we took a different approach?” For instance, what if we took a curious stance instead of a judgmental stance? A curious stance says, “Wow, I really value this relationship and she acted a little out of character; I wonder if something is going on that I don’t know about?” A curious stance seeks more information and asks questions.

Another approach that could be helpful is for us to give one another the benefit of the doubt and not leap to conclusions about what we think is going on. Here’s the thing: I can barely read my own mind, let alone someone else’s mind! Our task is to decide how we will handle ourselves when conflict arises because conflict is inevitable but it is not insurmountable.

Peter tried something new. He took a risk and stepped out. But Peter took his eyes off of where he wanted to go, which was toward Jesus. He noticed the wind and started focusing on his fears. When he focused on his fears, he started sinking. Because that is what fear does to us. It weighs us down. Being afraid of change weighs us down. Being afraid of conflict weighs us down. Here’s another thing that weighs us down: the fear of loving again after we’ve been hurt.

And we get hurt by one another in churches sometimes. It has been said that “Community wounds even as it blesses.” This is because the church is made up of imperfect people who have times when we act from our best selves and times when we do not act from our best selves. “Each of us is both wound and blessing to our beloved community, and the community to each of us.” Our task is to recognize this and accept it otherwise we set ourselves up for tremendous heartache. Think about the resurrection stories of Jesus. Every single one of them tells us that the disciples saw the marks of crucifixion on him, even though he had risen. In community, we will bear marks and scars from wounds that we have suffered but what’s more important is that the wounds don’t keep us from rising, overcoming, and moving on. We must have the courage to love one another, to stay engaged with one another, even when it hurts sometimes.

Elizabeth O’Connor says it best when she says: “The vows that we make when we become members of the Church of Jesus Christ are more than an oath to stick around with a particular group of people. I believe that they can be interpreted as a commitment to a total inner transformation…This transformation which takes place as we try to live out our lives with those who are called to be on this inward path, is simply learning to live by love—learning to be persons in community with other persons. This is the most creative and difficult work to which any of us will ever be called.

There is no higher achievement in all the world than to be a person in community, and this is the call of every Christian. We are to be builders of liberating communities that free love in us and free love in others.”

My friends, we must keep our eyes on where we want to go and not on our fears. The future that we are building together is in our hands. Sometimes you have to feel the fear and do it anyway; that’s why it’s called courage. Blessed be and amen.

Dr. Susan Jeffers, Ph.D., author of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

Adapted from George Santayana

Quote from Gail Sheehy on www.createthefuture.com

Weavings: A Journal of the Christian Spiritual Life. Editor’s Introduction by John S. Mogabgab, p. 3

Quote taken from a sermon I heard Penny preach in 2003 in San Francisco, CA.

Weavings: A Journal of the Christian Spiritual Life. “The Mixed Blessing of Community”, Thomas E. Clarke, S.J., p. 17.

Ibid., p. 22.

Weavings: A Journal of the Christian Spiritual Life, quote by Elizabeth O’Connor on p. 23.

Copyright © 2007 by Rev. Tessie Mandeville. Permission granted for non- profit circulation with attribution of author and venue. Other rights reserved.